why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
