I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
