they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
