I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
