No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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