I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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