Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
