She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
