Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
