walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
