I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
