opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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