so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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