there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Sext me about skeletons
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
