I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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