my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
