Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
