i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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