There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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