How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
