how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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