trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
