My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
