If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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