he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
