i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
