I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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