I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
