i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
