Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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