Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
