but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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