ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
