I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
