Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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