I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i think i just lost a toe
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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