When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
