I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
