I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
