dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
