I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
