We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
