best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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