i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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