I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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