Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
