I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
