Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
