How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
