somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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