no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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