can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just had sex on a roof
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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