So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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