I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
