so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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