your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
