heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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