i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
