If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
