I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Randomize
