i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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