Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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