i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
