Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
