Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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