I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
