New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
