yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
